Doctor Who Has Become Fan Wank

This article is going to make many people angry. I don’t care because it needs to be said. Doctor Who has become fan wank. I am not slamming the performance of Matt Smith who I think is brilliant as the Doctor. I am slamming this current season’s writing staff and their inability to craft a believable Doctor Who story.

I hate to do this, but I am going to blame Steven Moffat and Neil Gaiman. Steven Moffat has crafted some of the most brilliant new Doctor Who villains in years. Both the “Silence”and the “Weeping Angels” are masterpieces of horror. Either of these creatures could be taken out of Doctor Who and stand alone as iconic monsters. I can imagine future generations of kids screaming when they see a statue or avoiding being alone for fear of a visit from the “Silence”. As for Neil Gaimen his episode last season entitled “The Doctor’s Wife” was beyond phenomenal. It embodied what Doctor Who fans had suspected about the TARDIS all along. You can’t ask for a better hour of Who.

The problem rests in the fact that even these two writers will have a hard time topping what they have done and the other writers on the show can’t even come close.  The current season is the doldrums. It is not even second best when compared to past shows. I was ready to be blown away by this season and instead I have been utterly disappointed. Even Moffat’s work on the season opener was almost fan wankish. The Daleks? Again? If the first episode was almost fan wankish, the next three have been utter fan fiction nightmares. “Dinosaurs on a Spaceship” and a “Town Called Mercy” were substandard place-mat episodes. Basically they were both long drawn out lectures in which the Doctor droned on an on about the futility of using violence to solve problems and the evil of genocide. THE EVIL OF GENOCIDE the Doctor doesn’t have any right to lecture anyone on that topic. As to the uselessness of violence in solving problems. That utterly stupid line drips like sweet wisdom from the lips of a man who constantly uses violence to solve problems. Admittedly he often uses surrogates as the means of that violence, but this is the most violent man in the Universe. There is a reason the Daleks call him “the Predator”.

This brings me to this past weekend’s episode “The Power of Three”. It was utter rubbish. We are introduced at the end of the episode to a race that are supposed to be the boogie men of Time Lord society. Great, sounds like a good idea. It would have been had it made any sense and was presented in a logical manner. We don’t know why this race considers humans a pest, we get about two seconds of exposition on who these guys are and what they represent and then the episode is over. I hate when a show stops for too much exposition, but either explain more fully who these guys are and what they want or just leave them a mystery to explore later. Instead, we get fan wank about how horrifying and terrible these guys are because they scare Time Lords.(and yes I am using that term fan wank alot). For a race that is so powerful the Doctor Defeats them in about ten seconds of air time. So much for the boogie man.

Moffat better step up to his “A” game for the rest of the season because I am not sure how much more of this…….wait for it……..FAN WANK I can stomach.


About Jonathan David Baird

Jonathan David Baird has worked as an archaeologist for the past fifteen years throughout the Southeast. He left full-time field work in 2011 to finish graduate school. In 2012 Jonathan received a masters degree in English literature from Fort Hays State University. His focus of study was late Victorian Gothic horror. In 2014 he finished a second masters in American history with a focus on the Frontier. Jonathan is the editor and a major contributor to and has written for and edited several anthology collections.
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